I’m starting to think we don’t really grow up.
Our bodies mature and we gain wrinkles and proof of gravity, but I’m starting to think that we don’t really recover from certain feelings or hang up.
HIGH SCHOOL 1
I was mindlessly browsing Facebook the other day as I was researching on something, and I came across a profile of this person who happened to be the same last name of my Ex Boyfriend! Let’s call him Fred.
We’ll, actually we barely lasted a year as I was studying in the city back then, but I do remember him being some sort of a playboy but he was very nice to me and helped me get over my first love who I was devastated with when we parted ways.
I’m only admitting it now and owning up to it that I should have never let my “teenage vulnerability” get into my good senses. I was turning 18 that time and three months after, I was heavily into theatre, and yes, there were boys, and one charming guy I particularly had crush on but it never went beyond a safe crush.
I remember Fred calling me on my mobile phone, screaming, asking if I had already met someone else. I barely can text and call anymore as I was juggling my activities. I met a lot of people and I was enjoying my youth. After he screamed, he put the phone down and I went on rehearsing my part for the play. I later got a text from him saying “It’s Over. I’m setting you free.”
Of course I did not reply. I went on with my friends, had fun. To be honest, I really didn’t care much about it as I was having too much fun that I forgot about it.
In the wee hours of the morning I got another drunk call from him, crying, saying goodbye and telling me that whoever will replace him, I must make sure he treats me with respect. I do remember saying Thank You. And that was it. I thought we parted good ways, until I heard from one of his high school buddies that Fred hates me because I broke his heart. I am admittedly wicked and just laughed about it. I mean, I didn’t cheat on him but the amount of “care” I had didn’t come close to what he must be feeling.
We saw each other again five or six years ago, when I just got down from the car in a bad mood. We locked eyes in the parking lot and he hurried quickly as fast as he could before I even realized it was him. I didn’t even get the chance to say Hi.
And just a few days ago, as I was randomly browsing Facebook when I finally saw him. He’s got a family now, at 35 years old. He still dresses like he was in college, loose shirt, baggy pants. Grew his hair longer than usual.
So imagine my surprise when I opened the door of the bank and the first one that I saw was him. We locked eyes for a super quick second then he went away. I hurriedly went to get my number (because that bank is famous for its long lines). I went out to make quick other errands and returned to the bank to find him there sitting with his family: His mom, his kid, his wife and his newborn baby. And this time, he was wearing a cap inside the bank.
I decided to make amends and sat two rows behind him so that I could say Hi and some adult pleasantries. I was looking at the screen and in my peripheral vision I knew he saw me I was just behind. He made his family relocate to another wing, hidden by the building pillar. Yes, he made his wife, carrying their newborn child, and his kid transfer seats when they were seated comfortably already.
I get it. So it probably is true. He still holds a grudge.
I don’t know if he reads blogs, but if he does, I hope he’s not mad at me anymore and that I did not cheat on him, honestly. And Thank you for being good to me when I know deep in myself that I didn’t deserve it.
HIGH SCHOOL 2
I was packing my things up when a friend dished out that one of the our higher positioned colleagues, in her early 50s I think, is experiencing somewhat a high school fling with one of the top executives of another company.
They were doing all the “updating” “FYI schedule” and “protecting/ asking permission” high school kind and our female colleague couldn’t tell where it is going or what point they are at in their relationship. She goes on analysis mode by gathering her friends together, dissecting what could possibly their “thing” is about.
It felt giddy hearing the story, that even at their age, the feeling of “not figuring out what is” is still present. It isn’t just our generation. There really isn’t any age limit to feeling these kinds of High School things.