I think I’m becoming obvious.
But the unfamiliarity of this feeling creeps me still, and I have not gotten my head around it.
The tease seems great, as I daydream of what it would be like. Friends say we are good together. There’s this rapport that comes with being comfortable with one another. But if it pushes through, is this what they call settling?
I have no problem with his baggage, as I have mine as well, but my main concern is even though we’ve known each other practically more than half of our lives, I have doubts.
All friends that I have talked to just told me one thing: Just Let Go. I know I should but I can’t seem to enjoy it. I cannot afford getting my hopes up, getting my heart badly broken again. And this time if I take the plunge, I cannot afford not to make it work. And I know I will make it work.
And I hate that he unknowingly uncovers my insecurities, intellectually, and I have worked so damn hard to find my self-respect that I lost since eons ago. I swore to myself that I should not bother, but maybe this feeling is a reminder for me that before I go cocky with self-esteem confidence and realization, I am not as ready as I thought I would be. This experience is humbling me down.
I don’t think this is worth letting my hard-earned self go, so now I pull out and cancel these feelings before it goes out of hand. And most importantly, before he knows.
There’s no more developing story so now I go back to my routine, and old self, before the thud two weeks ago.
They said you can’t fight your feelings.
But watch me.