So after feeling the first thud and telling friends about it, you had to analyze the feeling. And what better place to sit down and overthink about it than in the middle of a weekend while waiting for an errand.
Isn’t falling in love supposed to be one of the greatest feeling ever? Most especially the starting times when you are in the process of falling in love. Right before you both discover that the feeling is mutual.
The smile, the good mood, the excitement of seeing his name on your phone every time you get a message or a phone call.
But why is it so difficult for me? Here are the reasons why:
- We have been friends for so long and he is my home team. I have taken such good comfort in knowing that I have him forever in my life as a friend.
- It is too much risk to take. I cannot not have him as a friend.
- He’s got baggage, I also got mine. But what bothers me the most are the external factors. The people around him, around us, and how small the community is.
- I can’t imagine being intimate with him.
- I’m afraid my insecurities will come up as I can’t keep up with his track record. Pretty much like this quote:
But why do I think we’re going to be great together:
- We both share the same values.
- We have the same view on relationships.
- I think we complement one another.
- We can handle the same jokes.
- We’ve always been funny and loves pranking each other.
- I like talking to him and learning from him.
- I respect him.
- He is the first person that pops into my head when I need help.
- He is the first person I want to tell about how my day went, or when something funny or bad happened.
- I feel comfortable when he is around.
Funny, because I saw him with our friends the other day. And what makes it different from others is that I just feel so comfortable around him. No butteflies, no consciousness, no pretensions.
Although some parts embedded in the conversations I might be giving some clues away as stupid me still can’t handle my transparency like a pro.
Like during one of our conversations, it seems like we indirectly fish each other out about what we like. And somehow, or at least for me, it gets all too familiar. I hope he doesn’t notice.
I have got to do something about this feeling. I can’t just take this sitting down. I’m shit scared and a coward, I just cannot bear the thought of risking such beautiful friendship for this.
I have to be sure.