It took one lunch date for me to realize the thoughts that I’ve been beating myself up.
I just told my friend that I do get this feeling of “What about me?” whenever I hear someone earning this X amount, or someone made this drastic change in their career life.
If you know me personally, you would never hear “What about me?”when it comes to someone getting a boyfriend, getting married or getting pregnant. What jolts me is when someone is doing something big in their life, and while I am SINCERELY happy for them (because I don’t want the same specific thing, just the courage), I couldn’t help but go back to my thoughts of “What about me?”
A few weeks ago, my friends shared how they added this amount on top of their professional fees and the client took it, in exchange of an expedited service. It was legal and I get the feeling that their clients were expecting to pay more so they took it because they clearly have an advantage. Easy peasy bonus of six digits. Each.
I mean W O W! Before I can even save up for a six digit amount, it would take some time. A long time. But then again, to be totally honest about it, I don’t really dig their kind of job. But six digits!
I shared this to a friend over lunch and it turned out we have had the same feeling towards other people with the same earning. She gets that kind of feeling too, which honestly is comforting. It means that I am not alone, and it’s normal. I’m normal. I’ve read a lot of articles saying DON’T COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS, and I’ve tried very hard not to, only to find out that that saying actually has several deep degrees.
My friend shared that she also know someone who earns six digits on a regular basis and while she thinks she has the same abilities than her, she said she found a reason why much has been given. Turns out her family problem load seems off the charts that the person really has to make that amount of money to survive. My friend said “I would rather have my salary with this life than her salary with THAT life.”
Which made me realize, because if you earn six digits and live in our place in Laguna, that really is too much! Then I realized, few days after the story of 6 digits added fee, the one who got the six digit bonus, their family member got rushed to a prestigious hospital in the city for immediate care and surgery. The second one I know who got the 6 digit salary job (by political affiliation, not someone I know personally but from a second hand info), her husband died two weeks into the new job leaving her to take care of their children. I also know if this person in our university who earns a lot through a lending scheme that she made quite a reputation out of it, that she’s paying for all the hospitalization of her relatives. I know it sounds morbid, and I don’t want to wish ill on anyone who earns six digits (hey you deserve it) but it made me realize that to those much has been given, much is also expected.
And we’re not spared. I’ve been often told by family friends that the reason we are blessed because my mother gives back, sometimes so much. Sometimes I forget that money, like energy, is a flow.
I told my friend sometimes I think about how come I don’t earn this much. It is suitable for someone single like me, but what if I have a family to raise? Then I get jolted back to my reality, like Hello? You don’t even have a boyfriend, wait, you are not even dating, and yet you think about your family budget and the amount of tuition to send your imaginary kids to school?!
My friend said, “When I had my kid, my salary is not that much. It was when she was born that I suddenly had the salary raise. You see, God provides.”
G O D P R O V I D E S. G O D P R O V I D E S.
I am guilty of often looking to the other side of the fence, thinking the grass is greener. I felt ashamed that here I am blabbering about why I am not getting this huge amount as my salary when I don’t really have such a huge, huge overwhelming responsibility. Sure I take care of all the bills in the house (all utilities) and live responsibly. But then I am grateful that my mother maybe retired but she is healthy enough to travel often. And that we have Achi as our guardian. My sister is healthy and doing well, and so am I. Well, not exactly super healthy, but getting there.
It’s one of those therapeutic one hour lunches that I treasure. Sometimes I forget how lucky I am to be surrounded by really good people who sincerely makes you want to be a better person.
It’s not that I’m not grateful, but I gotta start focusing on counting my blessings more.