Today, while waiting for the bank to open, I went to the church for a quick trip and to light up some candles.
Today is the first day of work for year 2017 and I clocked in at 7:38am. I was the one who opened our office. I was too early for the bank so I went to the church to pray.
Very timely that I had some alone time with God. I was able to talk to him in the PEA chapel, alone and without distractions. I prayed for guidance, I prayed for good health for my family above everything else. And I really prayed for myself because I really need help.
I have anxiety issues (my bff doctor told me so) and it causes my BP to rise when I’m nervous. Funny, because I used to smoke before and was perfectly healthy and now that I am clean since 2012, that’s when I felt unhealthy.
I’ve been trying very hard to control myself, my nervousness, but then I realized I’ve been like that since I was a kid. It got me to the point that I would marry the one with the ability to calm me down. I’ve been restless for as long as I can remember. I play these silly scenarios in my head. I fear the furture, because I do not know what it holds for me. I fear a lot of things and I want to break away.
So I decided to start my year by going to church, alone, just to pray. I like talking to God when not in a mass and when I am alone. It does not distract me.
This year, my word is TRUST. I intend to fully TRUST the Lord. Trust His will when it scares me. But I don’t know how.I was praying earlier, asking for guidance and to cure my health issues. I asked him if He can talk to me. Honestly, how do you really know if God is talking to you? Sometimes, I feel like I am kidding myself. Is it really God who’s talking to me, or is this just my brain randomly cramming for bible verses.
Because the moment I asked if he can talk to me, this verse popped into my head: Jeremiah 29:11
I honestly need help spiritually. If anyone can tell me or anyone that can be of help, I’d be grateful.