Tête-à-tête

My plan to have no plans

I just finished an hour and a half of Just Dance session with my colleagues in the privacy of our office, then we go back to our cubicles and catch up with the world via the internet. Aaaaah! Welcome to Public Relations.

It’s 7:13pm at my computer clock and I’m still at the office. Don’t get me wrong, I would not exactly call my self a workaholic, it’s just that I love the virtual “alone-ness”of me being in the privacy of my small cubicle.

People on Facebook are loving the long weekend, and I would not exactly say that I am thrilled about it because: 1) My mother signed us up for an early morning religious pilgrimage activity that we have to get up to at 5 in the morning tomorrow (It’s not even Holy Week) ; 2) I don’t really have plans to divert to.

I think it’s not about me not having any plans that bothers me, I guess it’s the fact my plan to have no plans always gets interrupted by obligatory adulthood (sometimes emotional) obligations. I am always bullied by guilt of having to do this and that when all I want to do is just have a free day to spend at my leisure. Just a day. And apparently, for the entire year, weekends just don’t make the cut. It appears like I have to have a spare day.

And what would I do with that free day? I would just stay in. No make up, take a bath at my preferred time, and paint. I have not started my painting my third one in a row this month and I need to make time for that because it makes me happy.

Some people my age would say that’s so entitled of you, but this is the reason why I made certain life choices (by fate and chance). I do not have my own family yet, but I have an equivalent. Some might say that you don’t really know what you’re complaining about. Until you have an actual child, that’s the time that you will know that your life/time is no longer yours. Well, I do not have  a child, but my life/time has not been really mine in a long time. (I just want to vent. Give this to me.)

My friend Pao brought up this idea of checking in. When he gets stressed with his life, he goes to Manila and spend money to check himself in. Now that is a good idea, except that I am a cheapskate. Plus there are other, bigger things I am gearing up to especially  for next year.

Anyway, it’s going to be November next week, my birth month and well, I don’t get excited anymore like I used to before. Maybe because I’m getting old? This year, my birthday wishes gets simpler and simpler. I just want a free, uninterrupted day, where I don’t get bothered by external forces. Other people thinks it’s sulking but for me it a free day pass to just be me.

Today we had a surprise celebration at the office, to celebrate Tita Maris’ birthday. We were initially planning to have a hat party, but not everyone of us were able to bring hats and some people are on leave already. A lot of people actually started their vacay today, because there were a lot of free spots at the parking lot when usually I have to fight for a space to get one. Some departments in the university were able to dress up, but our office is just keeping it on the down low. We had just a good lunch meal and resumed to our desks, then had a quick fitness break for an hour and a half of Just Dance. As of this writing, my colleagues and I were the remaining four people in the office, all with no concrete plans of going out of town for the long weekend. I hear them asking each other about copies of movies and TV series they’re planning to binge watch over the long weekend holiday. Couldn’t deny that I’m quite jealous. I miss those times where I can actually breathe and reboot to some place else. Before, when I get tired of the city, I just pack my bags and go to elbi for a recharge. But now, I live, breathe, and reboot here. I know I must come up with a better system to eliminate this feeling, I’ve been complaining writing about it for the longest time, but, but…damn I’m all buts. Sometimes I keep forgetting that I am glad that I’ve moved back to the suburbs, because every time I have a business trip to Manila, I thank God I don’t live and work there anymore. I cannot stand the traffic and the paranoia of increased crime rate.

Anyway, I used to feel so festive about Halloween than Christmas, because I think Halloween is the only valid day where you are excused to be yourself or get crazy. But I have not been doing all my Halloween shenanigans now, unlike before. I even wrote about it here and here. Now, its just blah. It’s the staying in that wins most of the time other than going out.

I think I’m having one of those mental tantrums again.  Anyway, if you’re in the Philippines, I hope your long weekend plans are way better than mine.

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My best angle. Happy Halloween!
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